The Wanderlust Queer
Work on it.
I am sick of reading comments and asks from people asking why they are offensive/ sexist/ tarns phobic, etc. It is NOT a PoC’s job to teach you how not to be a racist, so as a non-PoC, it is officially your job (and mine as well) to constantly check your privilege and accept criticism when you are called out. Educate yourself, check yourself, and continue to actively work on it. It is your job also to call out others around you when they screw up.
Similarly, if I tell you that you are being transphobic or something of the like, and you tell me that I am being too sensitive or tell me that I have to tell you exactly why, then you are only making yourself look worse. Apologize, accept, and work on it.
The majority of people are super nice to you, even if you don’t deserve it. Most people will not assume you are a terrible person if you make a mistake. So take that as a gift and continue to grow as a person. We all screw up, and I say stupid things all the time, but as long as I actively educate myself, improve, don’t get defensive, and don’t talk over the offended party, I know I will grow.
So work on it people.
If transmisogyny doesn’t exist, why aren’t there any slurs that specifically insult trans men’s bodies? I mean, trans women kind of corner the market on “chicks with dicks” and like twenty-five other slurs like that, but I’ve never heard of anything like that against trans men
Oh yeah because it doesn’t exist
Woah now. I fully agree that trans* women (most frequently TWOC) get the brunt of violence and prejudice against the trans* community, but please do not discount the struggles of the entire trans* masculine spectrum. Yes, trans* feminine individuals are harassed more frequently, violently, and publicly, but there are SO MANY trans* masculine folks who have been raped, harassed, brutalized, fired, beaten, etc. because of their gender identity and presentation. Please respect that violence against trans* people happens to ALL trans* people, even if it happens to some groups more than others. Don’t dismiss others’ struggles or erase their experiences.
73 notes (via maletofabulous & autumn-and-eve)
2189) I have a problem with the “genderqueer” movement. I feel like genderqueer is to trans as those drunk girls who make out at parties are to lesbians. I feel it is almost done for attention. I just feel like being born female, but wanting to be accepted as male without feeling a need to present as fully male undermines the struggles real transmen feel, w/ discrimintation, hate crimes, financial, physical, and social burdens of hormones, surgeries, etc. I feel I can’t say this to because its not PC.
Because non-binary people NEVER get harassed, violated, abused, discriminated against, misgendered, or suffer because of their gender identity and/or presentation.
Don’t assume that all non-binary folks are born female. I’m just going to assume that is some sort of internalized misogyny that makes the OP think that MAAB people aren’t allowed to exist off the spectrum as well.
Don’t assume that all non-binary people choose not to transition or that all binary transfolk do. Just because someone does or does not “go all the way” does not make them less of a man/woman/other/etc. People all “transition” in their own way, and not all of them choose to follow the same exact path.
Don’t assume people with different struggles than you struggle less than you. I experience harassment daily, and I have non-binary friends who have been brutalized because of their gender presentation and identity. Don’t invalidate their struggles.
Genderqueer and non-binary people want to live their lives just like you want to live yours, so try to be an ally and stop perpetuating a cycle of violence, invisibility, cissexism, and binarism.
(Source: ftmconfessions)
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Connie Laalo’s Ryerson thesis project, Beyond Lipstick, explores queer femme identity. I’m in it.
“Beyond Lipstick is a participatory online exploration of queer femme identity through the use of self-portraiture. This project seeks to examine queer femme identity as it is expressed and communicated through dress and appearance. The work stems from the assumption that femme is a transgressive and subversive identity to both heteronormative and homonormative conventions. Visibility and representation matter: too often female masculinity is privileged as an authentic expression of queer identity.”
I love where this is going, but I would love to see more trans* women, women of color, and different physical abilities, etc. represented. Please please please pass this on to anyone you know who might identify as a QUEER FEMME. You can still submit, so I think we should fill up the submission box with as diverse images of Queer Femme identity as possible.
I love my femmes, and I want to see you all represented in all your glory!
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Every single day, I see those in the LGBTA+ community getting asked wether their feelings are “just a phase”?
Why is “a phase” such a bad thing?
Why are the feelings that I feel now, rendered unimportant if it has an “end”?
The entire idea that what I feel that is “just a phase” is automatically invalidated, is such a terrible concept.
Does the fact that the duration of this “phase” may not last the length of my life, somehow give you the impression that my feelings at this time are any less real?
FUCK THAT SHIT.
(If anyone more literate and conceive wants to add their thoughts on this, I’d gladly appreciate the input.)
^THIS is really a great point.
People act like “phases” are not an integral part of life. Life isn’t just…I don’t know how to word it. People change. That’s the easiest and most basic way to say it.
Do you remember when you were a kid, and you had a favorite something? Let’s go with favorite food, since a lot of people like food metaphors.
So let’s say your favorite food was orange sherbet. And every time your mom or dad or whoever took you to get ice cream, it didn’t matter how many other exciting flavors there were, you had to have the orange sherbet every single time. Maybe this went on for three weeks. Maybe it went on for three years. And maybe, just maybe, orange sherbet is still the thing you order at the ice cream shop to this day. But all these years later, do you still feel exactly the same as you did then, even when eating that delicious food? Probably not.
Why? Because experience changed you.
For one of those sherbet lovers, they may have had a really awful experience with orange flavor, like their grandmother ate it the day she died, and they can’t think of it without crying. Rainbow sherbet is okay, but orange? Never again, even though they once loved it passionately. Does that mean that their love for orange sherbet was less real to them, while they loved it without bad association? No. Does it mean it’s less real now? no.
And one of those sherbet lovers may have discovered pineapple, and realized that it suited their palate better, and that orange had only been their favorite because they had NO IDEA that a more perfect flavor existed! Does that make their uninformed love of orange sherbet less real? NO. It means that they found something better suited to them later on, and that’s totally fine.
And one of those sherbet lovers never eats ANYTHING ELSE, ever, because orange is the greatest flavor in the whole world for them, hallelujah. Does that make their love for orange sherbet MORE real than the person with the bad association or the person who discovered something better suited? NOPE. It doesn’t. Everyone is different.
Feelings are always valid when you feel them. And they will be valid later, whether you are no longer feeling them, feeling them or expressing them differently, or are feeling them forever.
I don’t buy the “it’s a phase” thing, because that’s not relevant. Even if it’s a “phase,” it’s super important right now. And guys, all you really have is right now anyway, if you want to get super philosophical about it.
So go through phases. Eat all the sherbet if you want, or only eat one flavor, or refuse all of it, it’s up to you. Changing your mind about it later won’t make you an awful person or a “faker” or a “liar.” It just makes you a person.
This. I say this a lot.
I once identified as genderqueer, and I secretly hate identifying as male now because I feel this guilt over “proving them right” when they said I’d “grow out of it.”
Because, to me, it wasn’t a phase. I WAS genderqueer when I IDd as such, and I AM a guy now. The fact that my ID changed doesn’t mean that I wasn’t, or am not, something. It does not invalidate my experience or struggles. And whether we want to call it a phase or not (I don’t like the word BECAUSE of the connotations you pointed at) doesn’t change that it was real. Gods damn.
I think so often we are afraid of change and fluidity because we associate it with instability and incompleteness. I am awesome and perfect now, and I will be awesome and perfect and totally different five minutes from now. And if I’m not, so be it. I will still be awesome and perfect. The End.
87 notes (via oliverhyde & mygayshoes)
A lot people tell me that talking about sex with your partner, laying out boundaries beforehand AND during, communicating and adjusting during, renegotiating boundaries during and after is awkward and “kills the mood.” Now frankly I don’t understand that, communication is awesome and usually makes the whole thing go smoother because I don’t have to worry about doing it right/the way they like it, but maybe it’s just that I’m an extremely verbal person and also tend to be very focused on my partner’s pleasure.
But for those of you who do think talking about the details of sex with your partner can be awkward, here are some useful phrases and ways to open the conversation.
Communication is sexy.
Some relevant questions for autistic/bad brains folks:
“Might you become nonverbal during sex?”
“Do you enjoy light touch, deep pressure, or both?”
“Can we negotiate in sign language?”
“I need my AAC device on the bedside table while we’re fucking.”
“If you want to stop, what mode of communication will you use to let me know? Will you be able to initiate communication to tell me to stop, or should I check in at regular intervals? How often should I check in?”
“Can I see a social story for this?”All good questions!
Also:
“Are there any nonverbal signals I should look for to stop right away?”
“to slow down/back off?”
“that something is really really good?”
“Any sensory sensitivities or triggers?”
“Anything you really like?”
I’ve had a few partners who say I ‘talk too much’ when I ask questions about consent and stuff.. and at first I kind of felt bad, but nowadays I’ve realized I’m doing it for them and for myself. I need to know that I am not violating any boundaries, I need to know you are consenting and (hopefully) enjoying what we’re doing together. And I need to tell people how I am feeling about it too.
Consent isn’t just sexy, it’s necessary.
I love the discussion of non-verbal communication on this post already. I think it’s super important to recognize that communication is about the whole experience or different parts of it for each person—not just vocalized words.
And seriously, who doesn’t think it’s totally hot when someone says “yes, I want you so bad, please do this, please touch me there, yes!” I mean, it doesn’t get much hotter than that. Consent and communication leads to better sex, better respect, and better relationships.
But communication doesn’t end when the sex ends either. The communication needs to continue even after the clothes are back on with questions like “how was that for you?” or “would you want to do that again?” or “how could I make you feel even better if we do this again?” Just because something was ok once or at one time, does not mean it will always be ok, so keep the lines of communication open.
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Papi Coxxx & Jiz Lee at the DVD release party for Tristan Taormino’s Rough Sex 3: Adriannna’s Dangerous Mind
Gahh they are so stinking cute together.
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